Grumpy bastard who didnt get up on time and had to run straight out the door, felt pretty shitty no wife, no energy, no scruples, no brain at some points. I luve you, im sorry, please forgive me, thank you. It's been in my head all day along with a million other things, work, work and more work. Okay thats enough, move on.........
Im a sucker for feeling better when i get things done and yet sometimes the things you have to do dont feel like the things you want or need! to, weird shit. I realise i felt like a fukin hobo again and as ive been slipping in to old habbits, the old lines of thought and action open up, yep its that savage circle stuff that pisses me off. Its good that Gertie is gettin stuck in and actually doin stuff to move us on, cos it some times feels like I dont have the heart for it, and thats not the case but i know thats how it feels and looks probably. Theres a definate need to step up and i'm all in dreads an all. But fuck ive felt it this weekend, sore skin and teeth, back and head, ...there it goes again.
Trying to be possitive constantly, especially recently as felt a bit too much! I think particularly when people die its a real time for contemplation and if you give yourself a chance to feel it your heart will tell you just fuckin get on with it what ever you want to do, dont waste any time doin anything you dont want to, including the stuff you believe that has to be done. Shit, thank the lord for ten mins of free thought and some Dub Reggae at the moment its LOve Grocer - Sunset point, its got that pheramone that makes you feel good or stoned or both but it gives you time to shut out the mind chatter and concentrate on what comes naturally, from the unconcious, which for me means that i'm getting on with what i want to and not the million things that conditioning tells us we have to do.
Was there a point to this scrawl? I dont know, I think there was when it started out but I lost track somewhere along the few minutes it took to write, so hell we'll move on and maybe i'll come back to it later, but dont hold your breath!